At the Library

This is where I met Babar and Gus and 
Charlotte who was friends with a pig 
and taught us both Life Goes On 
even through tears.
I watched my mom carry her weight in books
to the librarian-lady paid to look mean 
but she was actually nice as she took pictures
of punchcards and told me I would have 
such fun where I was going.

We were poor though I didn’t know it
as I poured over a Big Book of Ships
and I listened to Drums 
that I hated hated hated but 
I loved the way my grandma read so I 
pretended (I think she knew). 

Later I'd walk to that funky stoned (literally)
building on my own, corner of Vanowen and Vanalden.
There I solved cases with Encyclopedia Brown 
and found a book called The Battle of Midway 
that taught me sometimes a war comes down to 28.2072° N, 177.3735° W.  
Gray's Anatomy — wow! How did they draw that well, 
and is that what I look like inside? 
Where the Red Fern Grows because,
you know, dogs — and to make myself feel better 
I picked up The Red Pony.  Mistake. 
Except tears and truth often go together.

Steinbeck became my god before 
I met Corrie ten Boom in her hiding place and 
Siddhartha Hesse kept asking me questions
until I found out why a caged bird sings 
and that wars are going on always, 
sometimes in the bedroom,
sometimes far from streets.  
Angelou Birdsong led to Beloved Morrison 
and Purple Walker, and I saw with new eyes a way: 
war is going on always, always,
but to speak is to fight. Never stop fighting.

Never.  Stop.  Fighting.

Still later I met Monette and found his half-life 
beautiful — maybe mine would be, too.
I put Melville back on the shelf 55 times before 
I finally breached its first great wave and then thought: 
was Hawthorne his Moby Dick? 
Poor guy — Hawthorne was a crank 
but damn if his letters weren't good.
Woolf my Patron Saint
showed me her room so that I could want mine.
Tan and Yen Mah who made my mom cry 
because they knew, they knew — “we carry our stories” —
it wasn’t easy, not easy at all.
She loved those books.

All this and more in a library,
from my little corner one
(when LA had only one area code)
to the Library of Congress, a pilgrimage. 
Memories of mom dragging me by the hand until, 
later, I was pushing her chair to the books.
All these people, all these ghosts 
dancing and sobbing and waiting on shelves,
waiting to be held or thrown, doesn’t matter.
 
Life buoyed by imagination, 
imagination buoyed by life. 

Freedom. Adventure.  Suffering.  America.

So of course:

Arizona 
Georgia 
Illinois
Louisiana
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Pennsylvania
South Carolina
South Dakota
Texas 
Wyoming

let's close the libraries. 
We wouldn’t want anybody
learnin' nothin' new…

*

“This effort to change what libraries are, or even just take libraries away from communities, I think, is part of a larger effort to diminish the public good, to take away those information resources from individuals and really limit their opportunity to have the kinds of resources that a community hub, like a public library, provides.”

Deborah Caldwell-Stone, director of the American Library Association’s Office of Intellectual Freedom.

Ruah

Word in the wind is wind in the wind
shaped not changed, noise to
crude-drum ears, then still.

Send yours again across skin 
that is kin to touch and
moves to tremble,

limbs hot under breath that holds 
earth-deep fire 
then cool to rest

as I birth grope listen hope
a man immersed then 
drowned.

*

Bureaucracy

The way they tell it:
BE CAREFUL! —
a spell is so much more than words
said out loud.

You need a protection circle
three pounds of salt
sage to cleanse the air;
no personal gain
no love incantations
absolutely no commerce with
evil spirits or demons or
anyone misunderstood.

“Only do what you’d will 
be done to you.”

Yeah.

A labyrinth of requirements while
want weaves itself into this 
scented man
that free woman
heat and smile and yes,
sweet feeling skin,
all good and bad and eager
to be taken outside the safe circle

past the strange bureaucracy
that once belonged to the church
and still stops magic in its tracks.

*

Every so often

To stop digging deep, to stop. 
All magic and truth napping in a corner 
while what I've done neither 
clears the way nor impedes; 
now content on ebbing thought, 
soft-stretched in a warm bed, 
morning and clean sheets 
like a park before birds, 
fog-muted city to cool
clear sunlight --

quiet, quiet loved by quiet,
mountains and memory 
books in silent rooms, all-beautiful,
pillow under my head,
rest for my back, 
soft hands,
yes.

*

Holy Card


Don’t put me in a coffin.
Much better to find a small box
for ancient gray ash that
could be Vesuvius or that
little dog I used to pet.
I want no more me,
no more memories
etched around empty eyes or
lonely hands that would’ve carried more,
so much more,
but were robbed by other death,
nearer loss and love that
still-chokes all earth.

No, burn me into nothing
for I endure no more.

*

Open House

What does freedom feel like?
An open gate on a busy walk,
house set back and door ajar, 
anyone welcome, all memories.
They come with their stories or
pass by without a word on 
journeys I know nothing about
and don’t need to sift, but will
if one or two cross that
threshold and walk the yard to
find me sitting on the stair
having a wonderful conversation with
Mistake.

*

If you like this, give Late-Night Lucid a try here.

Venture

I once fell in love.
I once found a prince.
He stood on a beach
dark against the rolling surf,
full with the universe.

I once flew into
daring rough hands,
mute, lucky, held —
an odd fish silent and ready,
silent as hope.

“Why couldn’t you be a woman?”

In rowdy hands
I wiggled the signs,
did my best to become
sexy, curvaceous, something —

but slipped lonely-homeward
back to the sea that rushed for me.

*