God keeps me alive because I have questions for “after.” Serious questions. Questions I know he can’t answer. Like: Why is my nose crooked? Really? You couldn’t give me something straight? Anything STRAIGHT? And why not save us from ALL of the Falwell’s — let’s go further — all fundamentalists? (If you say Free Will I swear to you I’ll throw Crohn’s Disease in your face. Free Will. Shit.) They’re ruining the world and my upstanding view of pool boys. Please! And as long as we’re here, not that I’m complaining, — I’m totally cool in that department — but how come skinny-skater Bodie was given that dick? Can you just answer me that? Was it a reward? Maybe recognition for his Exceptional Contribution to Human Progress? I’m sure he’s saved hoards with his Board — it all seems just a little… peculiar. More: Did you have to let America have the nukes? You knew what we’d do, and there were Canadians nearby. And why did you let Republicans happen? Why are people in Bakersfield so proud? Henry Fonda for On Golden Pond? (Free Will, again, right?) And there’s this skater named Bodie, maybe I mentioned him? Why? Just why? See you in a bit.
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